Over the past few months we've tried all sorts of ideas to try to alleviate the problem:
- We've established a firm bedtime routine. Pajamas, brush teeth, drink of water, family prayer, hugs and kisses, into bed, lullaby, lights out. But the minute I plop myself down on the couch after I tell him goodnight, he pokes his head out the door, then cautiously comes to join us in the living room.
- Garrett consistently wakes up each morning between 6:45 and 7:00, so I wasn't too keen on adjusting that end of his sleep phase. Instead we opted to push back his bedtime. He now gets tucked in between 8:30 and 9:00. Unfortunately, he is still unable to fall asleep until closer to 10:00.
- So then I tried playing with his nap schedule. He gets tired right after lunch, so I tuck him in as soon as he's done eating -- sometime between 12:30 and 1:00. He falls asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the pillow. I do my very best to keep the nap short -- an hour to an hour and a half -- but waking him up too soon often results in an extremely cranky boy for the rest of the day. I have considered replacing the nap with quiet play, but he's too tired in the afternoon to make the switch. He'd just end up falling asleep anyway.
- Now that it's getting warmer outside, it's easier to wear him out with outdoors play. We go on long walks through the neighborhood -- with Caleb in the stroller and Garrett on foot. We go to the park. I drag him around on my errands. This has helped some, but every night he still pushes his limits and wanders out of bed.
- So we've pulled all sorts of tricks out of our hat. We keep post-dinner time play more calm. We warn him that we'll take away his blanket if he doesn't stay in bed, and we stick to our threat when he escapes. Blake will set up camp in his doorway, which keeps Garrett in bed, but doesn't seem to help him settle down any quicker. We can't just let him scream it out because Caleb is sleeping in the same room, so we usually end up giving in to his silly requests for more water, another toy or book, or a repeat of the lullaby. It's getting ridiculous, and we desperately want our evenings back.
I've heard over and over again the miracles a sticker chart can work on a toddler. I hadn't tried it yet with Garrett because I didn't think that, what with our current language difficulties with him, he would get it. But I was desperate, so we gave it a shot.
Because it was his first sticker chart and I wanted him to be motivated to earn stickers, I disguised a "stay in bed chart" as a "bedtime routine chart." This is what I came up with:
If he gets his pajamas on, he gets a sticker. If he brushes his teeth, he gets a sticker. If he says his prayers, he gets a sticker. And if he stays in bed after we've tucked him in, in the morning he'll get a sticker. The first three items are obviously easy things for him to do. It's the staying in bed that's the trick. I am a little lenient on the definition of "staying in bed." If he gets out once, he gets a warning and, if he stays in bed after that, will still get a sticker in the morning. But if he gets up again, no sticker. Once every box has a sticker in it, I'll take him out for ice cream.Perhaps I shouldn't have been too surprised that Garrett loves his sticker chart. He's motivated both by the stickers and the prospect of ice cream, and consequently the entire bedtime routine is going more smoothly. He did great the first night. Last night, however, was a bit rough. As you can see, he didn't earn his "stay in bed" sticker.
But we'll try again tonight. It'll obviously take him longer than 7 consecutive nights to earn his ice cream, but I'm encouraged that he'll get there sooner rather than later. Also, I really, really, really want to win the Battle of Bedtime, for the sake of both my sanity and my rapidly diminishing energy supply.
Have any of you engaged in a bedtime battle? How did you arm yourselves? And did you win? I need back up ideas in case the sticker chart turns out to be less magical than I hope.
8 comments:
Carson is doing the exact same thing right now! Too tired in the afternoon to forgo naps, but then doesn't fall asleep for up to an hour and a half after we put him in bed. I will definitely be trying the sticker chart strategy. Let me know of anything else you try that works. P.S. So glad you've heard of the Betsy Tacy books. That's where I fell in love with the name.
We use the stickers too. We do it simpler though but is the same concept. We just put a sticker on the calendar in his room if he stays in his bed all night.
Our son is 3 1/2 and he goes to bed between 9 and 9:30 and I know sometimes he doesn't fall asleep 'til later which is fine with us as long as he doesn't get out of his bed. He loves to use his flash light and look at a book after we turn the light off, which is great because it keeps him interested and eventually he falls asleep. We do have nights where he begs to give us extra kisses or one more sip of water or even giving our dog a hug ... normally we don't give in but some nights when we are tired and things had been crazy we grant one more wish for the sake of all of us :)
We also emphasized a lot during prayer time for all of us to have a great night sleep. When a good night has happened we make a big deal in the mornings too.
Good luck with everything, I know how much we look forward to night time without kids. Hope all gets better from now on.
We have this problem, too. He has often gone without his afternoon nap, but then he goes to bed nice and early. Soon after dinner, he will have a bath, dress himself in his pajamas, we grab a book and then sleep. I like the idea of the sticker chart and reward. I will make one up today to implement it this weekend. I wonder if there is one I can make for weaning him completely from you know what.
I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who has had this problem. For the longest time Olivia still needed a nap but then didn't fall asleep until 10:00 at night. I tried not giving her a nap and having her in bed by 6:00, which worked well but that meant often being in bed before Jeff got home, and I didn't like that. We recently dropped naps altogether (she is almost 4 after all) and put here to bed a little later (7:00) and she gets her extra sleep in the morning. It all worked out. Unfortunately for her she's past sticker charts. I'm so glad it's working for Garrett. I hope you continue to have success.
I would suggest a small reward for each night instead of making him wait until the end of the week. Many children don't understand the concept of a reward if it is too far in the distance. I do this with some of my students. I work with first graders and they have a hard time seeing things by the end of the week, but the end of the day they understand. Also, you have to make the reward attainable, so he will feel successful.
Wow, sounds like you are not alone! Patrick went through this at about the same age too. We ditched naps a few months before his 3rd birthday. I was horrified to give them up, and I definately had to work at NOT having him nap, but it was SO worth it to get back to a normal bedtime. For me, it was more important to have him in bed early than to have him nap so I kind of forced the change upon him. I'm wondering with Garrett if that could be it--that he really could stop napping, or go to napping some days but not all.
My other wondering that has little to do with naps at all, is whether his bedtime is simply too late biologically. Trust me, I'm the last person on earth who wants them to get up any earlier, but we've always found that a 7:30ish bedtime is much, much, much easier for our kids to fall asleep at, no matter what type of napping schedule they're currently on. There's lots of research that backs the idea of a biologically easy fall asleep bedtime for kids, and mine have definately followed that pattern. And, really, usually they don't get up any earlier and sometimes even start sleeping a little later. I think a lot of sleep stuff is very counter-intuitive. So, it's possible that with an earlier bedtime and at least the same wake up time, you could easily get rid of the nap, and smooth things over.
From there, if you have done all you can to fit the schedule to his needs, AND if your postive sticker/reward motivation doesn't ultimately work---well, then all I can say is serious consistency about insisting that he stay in bed. Which I think usually involves the Supernanny method (First curtain call, you say "It's bedtime, darling." Second time you say, "Bedtime." Third time and thereafter, you silently plop them back in bed until you want to scream. But it works, eventually and usually is pretty permanent if it's done without drama or emotion), or a baby gate at the door and a high tolerance for an unhappy boy who will most likely fall asleep in some random place on the floor for a few nights.
Okay this is random and kind of a dissertation. Can you tell we've been here once with a toddler and I'm deathly afraid of the coming up toddler hitting this phase?!?!? Good luck.
As much as I'd prefer it (and I know from past experience that earlier often equates a longer night), an earlier bedtime would be difficult with our current situation. There's something about the East Coast that is just so...late. Office hours are later (to accommodate business with the West Coast), commutes are long, and those two together mean that Blake doesn't get home until 7:00 or 7:30. I'm all for one dinner, consumed together as a family, so we eat later, right when he gets home. While I clean up the kitchen, Blake plays with the boys, since he hasn't seen them all day, and then we start the bedtime routine shortly after 8:00. If I put Garrett to bed at, say, 7:00 or 7:30, he'd only see Blake on Saturdays (Sundays are also long, loonnnggg days), and neither of us wants that. Which is why we're trying to deal with the bedtime as we are instead of tucking him in before he hits his "second wind." Believe me, though -- a West Coast work schedule would ease a lot of our current problems.
Ah. I hear you....late working hours. Sean works completely freaky hours, i.e. almost every weekday evening, most Saturdays, etc., but he often has the flexibility to come home in the afternoon for awhile or go in a bit later in the morning and that's how we get in our Daddy time. So, yes, I know we've been lucky in being able to maintain early bedtime and still see the Daddy. It amazes me to see how differently families have to work this out based on the work schedule.
It seems like all of my freinds who live and work on BOTH coasts kind of face this. Well, at least California! I remember moving to Pacific time and being kind of irritated at how very late everything started....from TV programming to church events. And of course, we're always one of the few families who have to turn down some invitations based on our kids early schedule. But you know, since Sean IS out working a lot at night, meaning I'm home and still on duty, it keeps me far more sane to have kids who hit the hay early and let me do my thing while he's out working! :)
I hope you figure out a solution that makes things easier. And hey, as with all things toddler, wait five minutes and the whole thing will probably change anyway, right? Hang in there.
(BTW, Kennedy climbed out of her crib yesterday, so if it makes you feel any better I'm one step closer to being right back in this stage with you....blah!)
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