the first day of school

Well I did it. Today I put Garrett on the school bus for his first day of preschool. And I didn't even cry (uncontrollably, that is). He's been looking forward to this day for a while now, and it finally came. Originally I had wanted to walk him to the school myself for his first day, but the thing he'd been looking forward to the most was getting to ride a school bus -- for the last week, he's been pointing out every one we see, saying, "Cool bus! Mine!" So this morning, after an early lunch (he's in an afternoon class), we went out to the stoop to wait for the bus.


And then it came, a pint-sized yellow bus made just for pint-sized people. I had prepped him beforehand so he'd know that I would not be getting on the bus with him, and he seemed perfectly fine with that. But for a split second, as the aide was helping him board, he looked back at me a little panicked. Even though my own heart was beating anxiously, as if this was my own first day of school (which I suppose in a way it was), I reassured him that he'd have fun, and he smiled and walked back to his seat. The aide thoughtfully placed him on the right side so I could wave goodbye. (The windows are tinted, but he's sitting next to the second window.)


And then he was gone (so I allowed myself to cry a little more). Caleb and I went back inside to enjoy some alone time together. We played with his toys, both of us loving the fact that Garrett wasn't around to snatch them out of his hands or accidentally push him over in the process. We went to the grocery store where I was reminded at how much faster I can run errands when I only have one kid with me. And then we headed back home to make chocolate chip cookies for Garrett to eat when he got home -- because that seemed like the right thing to do. It was a very quiet 2 1/2 hours.

When the bus pulled up to drop Garrett off back at home this afternoon, he jumped into my arms, exhausted and disoriented. I suspect he fell asleep on the ride home, and adjusting back to wakefulness took a little time, some tears, and a fair amount of irrational screaming. A chocolate chip cookie worked its intended magic, though, and soon he had recovered enough to tell me all about how great his day was. I only caught words here and there (the gist of it sounded roughly like "Hey! I went to school! I have a teacher! She's nice!"), and I'm under the impression that he enjoyed himself enough to do it all again tomorrow. (And eventually, I hope, he'll adjust to being in a classroom at the same time he's normally accustomed to napping in his bed.)

I know he's only three, but this day came a lot quicker than I thought it would. My first-born has checked off "first day of school" from his bucket list! (And so have I!) From now until our last child graduates from high school, and perhaps even beyond, our lives will revolve around the school year schedule. As much as I know that this preschool experience will be beneficial for all of us, it's still a little hard to let go. For 2 1/2 hours every day, Garrett's life will not be part of mine. That (along with the potential loss of the afternoon nap) will take some adjusting. But I think we'll do just fine.