three months

Dear Matthew,

Three months of age is a magical time, and you have done some magical things in the last few weeks. First and foremost, you began to smile socially. Though you gave us a few sneak peaks earlier, your best grins arrived right on target for your gestational age, when you were about 10 weeks old. You dole out these prized smiles whenever you are happy, and you are happiest when you are in a fresh diaper (if I want to catch you in action, I need to keep the camera by the diaper basket), as well as when someone talks to you.  Following closely on the heels of this milestone, you found your voice, and just behind your contented coos came the occasional sounds of the beginning of your laugh -- you are already very ticklish.

You are developing an intense personality. You grab me and hold on intensely, and you cry and writhe with unspeakable anguish. You find it so difficult to relax, especially while eating when you stiffen straight as a board in my arms. Gas pains rip through your maturing little system, and it hurts to see you so uncomfortable and frustrates me to be unable to do much about it. Your eyes also manifest your intensity. Once you have fixed on an object, you follow it devotedly as whatever it is moves about the room. I especially love when you focus intently on me as I feed you. Whoever said you couldn't truly bond with your baby if you fed him bottles was obviously very wrong. When you are in the mood to be pleasant, you even do that with an intensity that helps me to keep pushing forward. And when after your tummy is full and you look up at me and smile with a preciousness that is beyond words, I'm able to briefly forget all of the hard times.

People have been telling me more lately that you look so much like Caleb, and so long as I'm able to get past those cheeks, I have to agree. You act like him as well. You like what you like and are stubbornly inflexible. Like Caleb, you never truly figured out the binky and so, like Caleb, you have opted for your always-available fingers. You've chosen your thumb, and the more hand-mouth coordination you gain, the more of a champion thumb-sucker you become.

Every day with you and your brothers is an adventure, and most of the time I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. But despite that we've been able to establish some semblance of a routine, thanks in large part to the fact that you've done so much growing (you've already doubled your birth weight!). You sleep almost entirely through the night, waking only once sometime between 5 and 7 to eat, and then you fall back asleep for a short time more. We've also been working on securing a regular afternoon nap in your own bed, but aside from that, your downtime consists of catnaps wherever you find yourself overcome with exhaustion and is usually at the mercy of your brothers.

Matthew, I love you -- intensely. Your father loves you, too, and so do both of your brothers. Keep those smiles coming!

Love,
Mama