due date

Dear, dear Matthew,

I never thought I'd be celebrating your first month of life on your due date, and yet here we are. The last four weeks have flown by in a blur, but in that time you've become an irreplaceable staple in our family. You have also grown! One minute I could hold you in the palm of one hand and the next you are filling out and fattening up. I wish I could keep you tiny and new forever, but am also relieved to be a witness to your growth and healthy development, especially considering how you surprised us with your early arrival.

It's been such a pleasure to get to know you, to learn how much you love to be tightly swaddled and held close and firm against my body, to feel you suck on my arm as I cradle you when you are hungry, to listen to your precious post-sneeze sighs, and to run my fingers through your deliciously golden blond hair. As I gaze into your wide, alert eyes, I try to piece together your features to determine how much of you looks like Garrett and how much looks like Caleb. In the end, though, you are always just Matthew, no matter how well you tie the first two together.

I love having a baby in our home again, a tiny human cuddled in the crook of my arm, and you have added so much to our family simply by being here. While it has occasionally been a challenge to make room for you in our house, it has not been hard at all to make room for you in our hearts. You are adored by all of us, and we are each so glad that you are here. Your brothers love to hold you, listen to your squeaks, and fetch things to keep you happy; Dad looks forward to sweeping you into his arms after a long day at work; and if I could I'd spend all of my hours nuzzling your cheeks and smelling your neck.

Which isn't to say that every moment is easy, for any of us. You've made it quite clear that you are often painfully uncomfortable, and I sometimes wonder if you are on the same road to a reflux diagnosis as your older brothers were. I spend more time than I thought I'd be capable of holding and rocking you, hoping it will help you feel better. But despite the frequent fussiness, you have still maintained the ability to be remarkably calm and pleasant on occasion. And oh, how I cling to those moments!

Matthew -- sweet, sweet Matthew -- I love you to bursting, and I am so privileged that you came to me.

Love,
Mama