love notes

We've been making a concerted effort lately to teach and encourage our children to be kind. Too often it feels like they are so concerned with themselves that they forget the other people they interact with at home, school, church, and any other of the variety of activities they participate in. At dinner I've been asking them to report one nice thing they did for someone else during that day that they did without someone else suggesting that they do it, and I've been pointing out the kind things that I see them doing at home. Things like holding doors open for others, getting a cereal spoon for one of their brothers while they're getting one for themselves, letting someone else go first instead of shoving their way to the front. Some days I think that they're getting it, while others it feels like I'm attempting to teach four brick walls.

February, with its celebrations of love, seemed like a perfect opportunity to take things up a notch. On the first day of the month, which fell on a Monday, I introduced the idea of Love Notes at Family Home Evening. I'd picked up a small, tin mailbox in the Dollar Spot at Target, and I cut out dozens of small heart-shaped pieces of card stock. I told the boys I wanted them to look for kind things that they noticed others doing, then instructed them to write them down on the hearts and put them in the mailbox. For example, if I noticed that Caleb had made his bed well without complaining, I might write on a love note to him: "Dear Caleb, I love that you made your bed so well this morning! Love, Mom." (They were not allowed to write love notes to themselves; they could only be written to someone else.) They could write their love notes, as many as they wanted, throughout the day, and each night at bedtime we'd read the contents of the mailbox, then hang them up on the playroom doors.

Everyone got very excited about this idea. After all, who doesn't love mail? That first night at Family Home Evening, we managed to write dozens, and to watch their eyes light up at the fact that others noticed the kind things they'd done that day was priceless. The excitement has continued, and I often catch them scribbling a little note, then stuffing it secretively into the mailbox, or, in the case of Matthew and Danny, helping them to write one at their request.

I love to see the good that they notice in each other.

• "To Garrett: I love how you helped clean the playroom. Love, Dad."
• "To Mom: I love that you made lunch for me! Love, Matthew"
• "To Mom: Thanks for taking me to play with my cousins and to the temple. Love, Caleb."
• "To Matthew: Thank you for pausing your show to go use the potty. Love, Mom."
• "To Matthew: I like that you played with me today. Love, Danny."
• "To Dad: Thank you for liking my dinner. Love, Garrett."

And there are so many more! Seven days in, and the window panes on the doors are fast filling up.

The above snapshot of our heart-filled doors, taken three days ago, is already outdated! The doors are nearly twice as covered now.

I had no end date in mind when I started this; I think we'll continue it through the rest of the month. Honestly, I'll be sad to see it end (so I'd better start thinking now about a similar activity to replace it). While they are still far from becoming the completely selfless children I dream of them being, to see the small ways that they have improved the way they interact with and treat others has been sweetly rewarding. I think they're finally starting to see that to be kind to another is its own fulfilling reward, and that is truly lovely.